Christmas’s that live rent free in your brain

Because nothing says “holiday spirit” like sweating through a skort while hanging tinsel in the Caribbean!

If you’ve never done a yachtie Christmas, imagine taking the most wholesome, cosy holiday of the year… and then throwing it into a blender with exhaustion, sunburn, service smiles, and finally a generous sprinkle of irony.

That said, that was my first Christmas onboard. And honestly? Every year since has been iconic. Not only memorable but also hilarious. And yes… slightly addictive.

Crew Caribbean Christmas

Few experiences capture luxury yachting better than your captain walking in and saying:

“Right crew, we’re celebrating Christmas on the 5th.”

No context. No hesitation. Just vibes.

Because from the 10th onwards? Charter. Back-to-back. No hope.

So instead, we had what we call an “early finish.” We wrapped up around midday in the Caribbean sun, hair frizzy, eyebrows melted off and swan-dived straight into Christmas set-up and BBQ prep.

Cue:

• Raiding the crew decorations in the bilge like sweaty feral raccoons
• Turning the St Maarten IYC crew lounge into a tropical North Pole
• Hysterically laughing through the heat in Caribbean shirts and Santa hats

By the time the BBQ was lit and the playlist looping, we were delirious… but it was pure magic.

Shipyard Christmas

Now, If you think Christmas onboard is wild, meet her unhinged cousin: Shipyard Christmas.

“Joy to the world” but next to scaffolding and areas that smell like nothing Christmas should. Tools instead of tinsel, dust instead of snow, contracts instead of Christmas cards.

So here’s to the refit warriors, green crew, and anyone who has ever cooked Christmas dinner for your multi-national crew!

Charter Christmas: The Performance Art Phase

Once guests arrived, Christmas morphed into full-on performance art.

Wishing  “Merry Christmas” so softly. Cruising back and forth in the interior, setting up beautiful festive tablescapes, making themed cocktails, repeating in your head:

“I am a Christmas elf… I am a Christmas elf…”

Soft Christmas music in the sky lounge, while hard techno blasts in the galley.

Meanwhile, stepping into the main salon? Like walking into Maison du Monde—Christmas edition.

The guests love it. Of course, they do.

Then, one Christmas afternoon, during a proper break—not a “grab food and swap out” break, but a nap break.

Naturally, I called home. Rookie mistake.

At that moment, everyone was unexpectedly together: the annual pre-lunch pub trip had turned into a combined Christmas back at someone else’s house. The living room was warm, cosy, full of laughter. And yes, the ultimate roast was on. Peak British Christmas.

Next, they started unwrapping my presents—addressed to me.

Someone held up the phone, and I awkwardly stuck my hand into the screen like some kind of emotional ghost, whilethey pretended their hands were mine.

Meanwhile, as they happily opened everything, I had my slow, dignified yachtie cry™—staring at a bulkhead, breathing like I was fine, albeit rather bitter.

Classic Christmas at sea.

Top Tips for Green Crew

1. Accept reality—then lean in.
Yes, it’s weird being away for the holidays. But you chose this life, and in a way, it chooses you. You’re part of a rare industry with a global crew family.

2. Build new traditions.
Secret Santa, crew mess decorations, themed drinks, Elf on the Shelf, or games from home—either way, tiny traditions make a huge difference. Better yet, start a crew Christmas playlist.

3. Make memories.
Explore your port, check out local markets or festivities, and note the moments. Take photos or just soak it in—these are the memories you’ll treasure later.

4. Invest in yourself.
Call home if you want, but plan it. Expect waves of homesickness, sleep when you can, snack strategically, and prioritise small comforts.

5. Lean on your crew.
Yacht bonds are intense—so laugh, share the stress, and watch out for each other. Because the camaraderie is as real as it gets.

6. Keep perspective.
This is a phase. With each Christmas away, you gain resilience, life experience, and stories no one else has.

The Yachtie Christmas Paradox

It’s bizarre.

You’re surrounded by people, constantly busy, maybe literally in paradise… and yet somehow, you feel a little like you’re missing home.

And yet…

• Either deeply thoughtful, horrifically inappropriate, or uniquely wrapped Secret Santa gifts

• Chaos at the crew bar—bonding you for life, whether you like it or not

• Those Christmas dinner tweaks you pretend to be fine with, while inevitably someone loses it

• The weird Christmas and New Year’s camaraderie that only yacht crew truly get

Sure, it’s not perfect. It’s not traditional. But you’re not alone. Because it’s a yachtie Christmas—and that makes it legendary.